


Dwarves Always Knock Thrice

by Guardianofrivendell



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Fíli and Kíli end up in the modern world, Fíli tries to be the mature one but something is bothering him, Gen, Hilarity ensues of course, Kíli is his chaotic self, LET'S FIND OUT, Modern AU, Not easy when your fictional crush is living with you, Trying to find a way back to Middle Earth, You try to cope with having two dwarves in your house
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardianofrivendell/pseuds/Guardianofrivendell
Summary: What if one day, you open your door and right there, on your doorstep are Fíli and Kíli?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Dwarves Always Knock Thrice

Humming a rather cheerful tune, you pressed the button on top of the coffee machine and your morning fuel started dripping into your favorite cup. You waited patiently until the foam reached the edge and then you turned the machine off.   
With the cup held between your hands, you inhaled deeply. Nothing like the smell of fresh coffee for a perfect start of the day. 

A few minutes ago your boyfriend had left to go to work, only to see him again by the end of next week. He was going on a citytrip with your group of friends for a few days, which had been planned ages ago.   
You were supposed to go with them, but unfortunately, you didn’t have any vacation days left.  
No, it was back to work for you instead. 

Not that you minded. You loved your job, and you were lucky enough to be able to work from home when you wanted to. It didn’t actually feel like work that way.   
At least you had decent coffee, you didn’t have to dress up and you could take a break whenever you wanted.   
And now with your boyfriend gone for the week, you had no interruptions and lots of quiet evenings to look forward to.  
Cheers to that, you thought while you sipped at your coffee. 

The dinner table became your makeshift workplace, coffee within reach. There were no video meetings scheduled today so you were wearing your favorite pair of black leggings and a long oversized knitted sweater, with fluffy socks on your feet to complete your comfy outfit. 

You moved your computer mouse and your laptop sprung to life.   
James, your Sphynx cat, hopped on the table and pushed his head in your hand, demanding cuddles.  
“Another day at the office, how dreadful,” you smiled, petting him behind his ear. James purred and started to bathe himself.   
He was a Sphynx cat, so there was no fur. Nothing but flawless pink skin, soft to the touch. It almost felt like petting a warm peach. You chuckled at the comparison, and James stopped his grooming to look at you.   
“Oh, I’m sorry your Majesty. I’ll let you to it.”   
You booped his nose and got to work. 

After a day of sifting through emails, processing data and editing documents and spreadsheets, you felt utterly exhausted. A phrase your boyfriend likes to throw at these moments suddenly came to mind, ‘How can you be so tired when you’ve done nothing but sit down on your ass all day?’  
Always the charmer. 

You stood up, raised your arms above your head and stretched, groaning in the process. You froze when your stretch session was interrupted by three knocks on your front door.   
‘Who still knocks these days?”

It was almost 6 pm, slowly turning dark outside and you’d let the shutters down about an hour ago. It was something you did as soon as the sun was setting. It was silly really, but it made you feel safe.   
But now it prevented you from seeing who was at your door.  
The neighbours from down the street wouldn’t come by for a visit, they were the kind of people that liked to keep to themselves. Your parents would call first, so… a polite burglar perhaps?

You couldn’t be too careful these days, especially now, when you were alone, so you went to your intercom first to see who was at the door.   
The camera didn’t show anyone. You could see a part of your front yard, but that was it. Strange… You thought you could hear voices, so maybe there was someone at the door after all. Maybe someone had driven their car into the ditch. Wouldn’t be the first time. You lived in the countryside, with roads where only one car at a time could pass, with ditches on both sides. A challenge for city people, and the occasional daredevil usually had to be towed out of said ditch. 

What’s life without a little risk, you thought, and made your way to the front door. You weren’t the one to turn away from people in need. It would probably get yourself killed one day, you were too kind and gullible and people tended to take advantage of that. 

Another three knocks sounded, a little louder this time and you swung the door open.   
“Finally!”  
Your boyfriend rushed inside and shot up the stairs. When you looked to your driveway, you saw his car with the lights on, the motor still running. He was running late again. As usual. 

After a few minutes he thundered down the stairs, his hiking boots in hand.   
“Almost forgot these,” he said while lifting them. He kissed your cheek and ran off.   
You sighed.   
“See you next week, sweet. I’ll miss you.”   
Sarcasm was your way to cope, to learn how to deal with the lack of love and care.   
Because who were you kidding? He wouldn't miss you. 

You shuffled to your kitchen, in need of something hot. To drink, that is.  
And while the coffee machine filled your cup for the second time that day, you rubbed your face with your hands trying to think of how you had ended up in this situation in the first place…   
“Just try and enjoy a week by yourself,” you whispered.   
You were about to take a first sip when three knocks sounded for the third time.  
“Seriously?”

When you opened the door, you couldn’t stop the massive eyeroll when you saw it was your boyfriend again.   
“Hand me the reservation papers of the hotel, will you? I forgot them and I need the address for the gps,” he said.   
“I sent it in an email to Tom, and I put the address in the gps system yesterday. Now go, you’re late enough as it is. Call me when you get there okay?”  
He smiled and kissed your cheek again.   
“Bye! Enjoy your week by yourself!”  
“I will, don’t worry,” you smiled. 

Before you closed the door there was a bright white flash. You covered your ears on instinct, something you always did when there was a thunderstorm.   
“That was very closeby,” your boyfriend gasped. “They didn’t say anything about a thunderstorm tonight.”  
“I’m not sure that was lightning… there was no thunder?”  
“It’s probably nothing to worry about.”  
And with those words your boyfriend left for the second time that night. 

After closing the front door with a small heart, you tried to calm yourself.   
You were terrified of thunderstorms, and you really didn’t feel like going through one when you were on your own. Let’s just hope he was right and it was nothing, you thought. 

Your coffee…!   
Taking a sip from the now lukewarm drink, you pondered if you would make it into an Irish or Italian one. Heaven knows you deserved it, right?   
With your coffee still in hand you made your way over to the liquor cabinet, only to be interrupted by yet another pair of knocks on the front door.

“I’m going to kill him,” you murmured while you walked into the hallway. “What could he have possibly forgotten this time?”  
You swung the door open with a little too much force, but you couldn’t care less by that time. The small amount of patience you had left was already out of the window and you just wanted to enjoy your spiked coffee. 

“What did you forg-?!”  
Your voice got caught in your throat when your eyes fell on your visitors. Visitors. As in plural. Definitely not your boyfriend.   
You recognized them immediately, there was no doubt who they were but… it couldn’t be! This was simply impossible!  
In your shock you forgot you were holding your cup of coffee and it slipped out of your hand. The cup completely shattered on the floor but you hardly noticed. 

Because right in front of you, in the light of your porch light at your very own doorstep, stood Fíli and Kíli.   
As in Fíli and Kíli, nephews to Thorin, King under the Mountain. As in Fíli and Kíli, characters from The Hobbit. Fictional characters. With a heavy emphasis on ‘fictional’. Made up by Tolkien.   
So how the hell was it possible that they were standing in front of you, alive and well?

The two Durin brothers were a bit taken aback so it seemed, because they too remained silent at first. After a few awkward seconds Kíli was the one who decided to speak up instead of his older brother. He was clutching his sword and quiver, just like he did in the movie. 

“Kíli,” he began. He was side eyeing his brother who was still staring at you, and smacked Fíli’s chest when he didn’t respond.   
“What?”   
“Kíli,” Kíli repeated, pointing at himself and then at his brother who finally caught on.  
“And Fíli.”  
“At your service,” they both continued, bowing deeply.

“Y/N, at yours,” you responded without a second thought.   
Kíli’s face split into a wide smile.  
“We’re looking for master Boggins!”  
“Yeah, I kind of expected you to say that,” you murmured, but they heard you.  
“Oh, so you’re a seer?” Kíli assumed excitedly.  
“No! No, I’m just… me. But there is no mister Baggins here,” you said, correcting Kíli.  
“Are we at the wrong house?” Fíli wondered.   
“I’m afraid so.”  
“Well… can you help us find him?” Kíli looked at you expectantly.  
You sighed. “I would but, I’m afraid it’s a little more complicated than that.”

Both of their faces fell. They were so in character, if someone was pranking you, they did one hell of a job in finding these two actors. And their costumes were spot on, from the carvings on Kíli’s bow to the colour of Fíli’s fur coat. It was scaringly accurate…  
They looked so much like Dean and Aidan’s version, but not quite. You didn’t know why exactly, but you had the feeling they were real. They were Fíli and Kíli, sons of Dís. 

Fíli stared at you with a confused expression. “What do you mean, my lady?”

Oh. Now, if you weren’t already a little enamored by their looks, the title he just gave you would have. You weren’t exactly used to endearments.   
Not that Fíli had meant as an endearment but you wouldn’t mind if they called you my lady for the rest of your life. It just made you grow a couple of inches. 

“I’m probably going to regret this, but… come in.”   
You stepped aside so they could enter the hallway.   
The heavy boots they were wearing made scratching sounds on your tile floor and your mind immediately went to your delicate wooden floors in the rest of your house.   
You were going to sound extremely bossy and uptight but you had to think of your interior. 

“Could you both maybe take off your boots?”  
The two brothers looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.   
“If you want?” Fíli asked you.   
“Please.” 

You took the swords and quiver from Kíli so he had his hands free and placed them in a corner of your hallway. Fíli followed your example and added his own weapons to the pile.   
“I trust you not to attack us when we’re unarmed,” he winked at you.   
You smiled back at him, knowing all too well he still had some smaller knives hidden somewhere.   
For a moment the thought of reenacting the knife scene in Mirkwood crossed your mind, but you thought better of it. He wouldn’t find it as funny as you thought it was and you’d probably lose a finger or two if you tried to take a knife from him. It was best not to challenge him. Yet. 

Once their boots were placed neatly next to their weapons, you motioned them to follow you into your living room.   
“I don’t really know how to begin explaining all this,” you said, while waving your arms around you, “but it might be a good idea if we sit down?”  
You gestured towards the sitting area and both brothers took a seat on your couch. 

It seemed like they didn’t know where to look first.   
Their eyes wandered to your tv, surround system, laptop, aquarium, …   
Kíli whispered something in Fíli’s ear, to which the older brother shrugged his shoulders.

“Do you want to drink anything?” you suggested. “I have water, milk, beer, …”  
Their eyes lit up when you mentioned the beer, so you nodded your head.   
“Beer it is, although I need to warn you. It’s Belgian beer, so it’s probably a lot stronger than what you guys are used to.”

You mentally facepalmed at your last sentence, why did you even mention that? They didn’t realize they were in a different universe, so mentioning your country would give them zero information. 

“I think we can handle it just fine,” Kíli commented with a smirk. Fíli nodded in agreement.   
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

After another look at the dwarves on your couch, you disappeared into your kitchen.  
You fetched two beer glasses out of the dishwasher and two bottles of beer from your fridge, before you noticed how much your hands were shaking.

Okay, Y/N, you need to calm down first…  
Easy to say when you have two dwarves sitting in your living room. Dwarves! And your favorite dwarves too.   
How many times had you imagined this exact moment in your fantasies? In your dreams? 

Of course! That was it…!   
You probably fell asleep at your laptop and you were dreaming.   
But then why did it feel so real?  
Maybe someone was pranking you after all? Nah, that wasn’t likely. Nobody knew you were even in the Tolkien fandom. Let alone who your favorite characters were. 

So it must be a dream...  
But if you were dreaming, they definitely would have been an exact copy of the movie Fíli and Kíli. As in, Dean and Aidan in costumes. The ones sitting on your couch looked slightly different, still handsome - Mahal, did they look handsome - but you would probably refer to them as discount Dean and Aidan. 

Your small mental breakdown was interrupted when Kili started to scream.   
“What is that?!”  
Quickly snatching the bottles and glasses in both of your hands, you hurried back to the Durin princes. 

When you entered your living room, you were met with quite the hilarious view.   
Tolkien had described Fíli and Kíli as fearless and courageous, but there was nothing courageous about their behaviour right now.  
Fíli was sitting with his legs pulled up and Kili half on Fili’s back, pointing at James who was trying to jump on Fili’s lap. 

“That’s James, my cat.”  
“That’s a cat?!” Kíli yelled. “What did you do to him?”  
“Nothing!” you laughed, placing the glasses and bottles on the coffee table. “He’s a sphynx cat, he’s supposed to look like that. They don’t have fur.”

You called James and he immediately ran to you, so you could pick him up. He rubbed his head against your chin and started purring, happy to get some attention. 

You crouched down before the two princes.  
“Go ahead, pet him. You don’t have to be scared.”  
“We’re not scared,” Kíli protested, puffing out his chest.   
You smirked. “Of course not.”

They were wary at first, but eventually both brothers were petting James. Before you could stop him, James jumped out of your arms on Fíli’s lap and curled up against the fur of his coat.   
Fíli froze and tried his best not to let it show that he wasn’t comfortable with this at all. Next to him, Kíli had the hardest time keeping a straight face, biting his lip in an attempt to stifle his chuckles but his shoulders were already shaking with laughter. 

You poured their beer and placed it in front of them.   
“Like I said, it’s pretty strong so small sips. Do you want me to take James away?”  
Fíli shook his head. “I-it’s fine!”

You took a seat on your other couch and anxiously started to rub your thighs.   
“So… like I said, I don’t really know how to explain this but I think I know what happened to you.”  
“Wait… did something happen to us? I don’t understand?” Kíli asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.  
Oh, right. They didn’t realise they were in a different universe right now. Maybe you should take a different approach.   
“Can you tell me what happened before you knocked on my door?”

Kíli took the two glasses and gave one to his brother before he took a gulp, humming appreciatively.   
“I like this,” he said. “And to answer your question, we traveled to the Shire and knocked on the door with the mark. And here we are!”  
“But… my door doesn’t have a mark?”

Fíli rolled his eyes.   
“Kee, you’re not telling the whole story. But you’re right about this,” he smiled while raising his glass, taking another sip. “This is good stuff.”  
You chuckled when you saw some foam sticking to his mustache.   
He raised an eyebrow at you. “What’s so funny?”  
“I have enough beer in the fridge, you don’t have to save some for later,” you laughed, pointing at your own lip to get the message across.   
Fíli quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. The movement made James shift in his lap and the Dwarf went rigid again.   
You decided not to say anything about it, you figured maybe Fili didn’t like cats that much. Or just James. 

“So what did Kíli leave out?”  
“Your door wasn’t the first one we knocked on. There was a round, green door in the Shire. And that one had the mark of Gandalf. He’s a wizard.”  
You nodded. So far it went exactly like it should. Shire, green door, mark.   
“But when we knocked on it, we found ourselves in a field all of a sudden. And your house was the only one around so we figured that was where we were supposed to be. Since Gandalf is a wizard, you never know what to expect.”

Okay, that was different. It almost sounded as if they went through a portal of some sort. Like a portkey? They touched the portkey and traveled to a different universe? But portkeys weren’t part of Middle Earth, that was Harry Potter. Did they have something similar?

“You’re not in Middle Earth anymore,” you said softly.   
Both brothers stared at you with wide eyes, their beer long forgotten. Kíli looked at his older brother, and pulled at his sleeve.  
“What does she mean by that?”  
Fíli kept his eyes fixed on your face, searching your features to see if you were lying. If you were trying to prank them. 

“It means that you traveled between different worlds. In my world, where you’re in right now, Middle Earth is fictional. A story. It doesn't exist. Just like my world doesn’t exist where you’re from.”  
“I don’t believe you,” Kíli said with a frown.   
You had expected this. It’s not like you would’ve believed them if you were in their place.   
“Look around,” you tried to explain, “you can see things you recognize. My furniture, me being a human, … But you can also see things that you don’t understand. They are from this world.”

“You said Middle Earth was a story to you?” Fíli asked you.   
“Yes. There are tales about Middle Earth, and Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits, the race of Men, … Orcs, wargs, goblins,” you explained, careful not to mention anything about their storyline or the one with the One Ring. “But I’ve never thought it could be real.”

They stayed silent for a few moments, letting it all sink in.   
“How… How do we get back to Middle Earth?” Fili wondered.   
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know. But I’m going to help you find your way back. We’ll figure something out.”

You played with your fingers, a telltale sign you were nervous. 

“And in the meantime you can stay here. With me.”


End file.
